Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

''I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in him in all speech and all knowledge—'' Romans 16:4-5 ESV


Thanksgiving

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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Love Language Minute ~ This Matters More Than Money ~ Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman


Jesus Presented at the Temple
Simeon The Man Who Cradled God in His Arms
Luke 2:22–40 ESV

Love Language Minute ~  This Matters More Than Money ~  Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman


 
 
This Matters More Than Money
Dr. Gary Chapman

What really matters

As we come to the end of the year, many people are suffering from the pain of Christmas debt. Others are troubled with the upheavals of the financial markets. Let me remind you of the words of Jesus: "A man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." If you understand that truth it will change your life forever.

Real satisfaction is found not in money, but in loving relationships with God, our spouse, children, and friends. Loving relationships are our greatest assets. Most of us could live with less money, and may of necessity have to do so. But, if that helps us focus on relationships, then we still come out winners. Why not have a family 'soup' night - eat only soup and crackers and thank God that you are alive and together.

Do you ever wonder what we did before computers?

I think we played games. I think we had meals together and talked about what was going on in our lives. I think husbands and wives made love, and children felt secure. I think fathers and sons threw the ball in the back yard. I think mothers and daughters made doll dresses. I think we had families.

What if, just for a week, we said "NO" to the computer and the television and said "YES" to the family? What would that look like in your house? You might be surprised. You might even like it. You might even decide to make a New Year's resolution to make family a priority. If so, I think you will have discovered what God had in mind when He instituted the family.

Choose your attitude

Friday will be the last day of another year. Has it been a good year for you? Some of you would say, "Well financially, it hasn't been a good year." Others would say, "When it comes to my health, no, it hasn't been a good year." Unfortunately, many would say, "For my marriage, it hasn't been a good year." Some things are beyond our control. That's true in the area of finances, health, and relationships.

But always we choose our attitude. Will we curse the darkness or will we light a candle? Will we trust God, or rail out in anger? Why not conclude this year by making peace with God, and asking Him for wisdom in how you can best respond to your present situation. Life with God is always better than traveling alone.

Adapted from the A Love Language Minute broadcast for the week of December 27, 2010.



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Saturday, December 25, 2010

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Latest ~ Love Language Minute ~ Why Do We Do What We Do? ~ And the Real Need is...~ Need for Love ~ Freedom ~ Significance ~ Recreation ~ Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman


Building Relationships

Desperate Marriages
Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship
Dr. Gary Chapman

 
Dr. Gary Chapman


Love Language Minute ~ Why Do We Do What We Do? ~ And the Real Need is...~ Need for Love ~ Freedom ~ Significance ~ Recreation ~ Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman



Desperate Marriages

Countless couples today face major marital struggles. Dr. Gary Chapman communicates genuine hope for every marriage—even for those with deeply rooted wounds. Chapman provides positive steps for dealing with spouses who are:
  • Workaholics
  • Controlling
  • Uncommunicative
  • Physically, verbally, or sexually abusive
  • Unfaithful
  • Alcoholic or drug-abusing
  • Depressed
  • Irresponsible
Download an excerpt from this book.



Why Do We Do What We Do?

Dr. Gary Chapman
 
And the Real Need is...


In a really difficult marriage, you will never be able to address the real problems until you understand what motivates your spouse's behavior. All of our behavior is motivated by inner needs.

One husband complained, "She thinks she is smarter than I am." His wife's perspective? "Any time I disagree with him, he thinks I'm trying to control him. I just want to be a part of the decision. Sure I call him names, but it's because I want him to listen to me." Both husband and wife are motivated by the need to be treated as a person. To feel that their ideas are important to the other.

If you can understand the motivation, you can address the need instead of arguing over the symptoms. You can start with something as simple as, "I value your ideas, and I want us to work together as a team."

The Need for Love


Do you understand that some of your spouse's most negative behavior may be motivated by the need for love? Barb complains that her husband doesn't have time for her. She often raises her voice and delivers angry lectures to him, accusing him of not caring for her. Sometimes these lectures work. Her husband Bob will sit down and talk with her.

How much better if Bob understood that her primary love language is Quality Time and would make time regularly to talk with Barb. Addressing her need for love may well eliminate her negative behavior. Learning to identify the emotional need that is behind your spouse's behavior is a major step in being a positive influence in an otherwise desperate marriage. Don't curse the behavior. Address the need.

The Need for Freedom


One of our deepest emotional needs is the need for freedom. In a marriage, we want to be free to express our feelings, thoughts, and desires. We want the freedom to make choices. We often do things for each other, but we don't want to be manipulated or forced to do things. If we feel like we are being controlled we get defensive and angry.

Freedom is never to be absolute; to be totally free is to live a life without love. Love chooses to look out for the interest of the other person. However, if we realize this need for freedom we will allow our spouse freedom to make choices. We will make requests but not demands. We will express our opinions, but give them the freedom to disagree. Love and freedom are two key elements in a healthy marriage.

The Need for Significance


If you are married to a workaholic, do you understand that one of the emotional needs that pushes the workaholic is the need for significance. Many do not realize that our real significance comes from being children of God and living out His plans for us. Thus they put all their marbles in excelling in the market place, and often neglect the home.
Perhaps his father said, "You will never amount to anything." So, he spends a lifetime trying to prove his father wrong. If you are married to a workaholic, don't curse his work. Praise him for his accomplishments. Tell him how proud you are of him. With more praise coming from you he will likely choose to spend more time with you. On the other hand, your condemnation pushes him to spend more time at work

The Need for Recreation


Many of our conflicts in marriage focus on recreation or relaxation. She complains that he spends too much time watching TV. He sees her as a nervous cat who never relaxes. She says there is too much work to be done. She does not have time to watch TV. However, if you examine her schedule, you'll likely find her relaxing in other ways.

One of our basic physical and emotional needs is the need for recreation or relaxation. The need for rhythm, of movement between work and play was ordained by God. The old saying, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy," reflects this fundamental need. In a healthy marriage we don't try to force our spouse to relax the way we do. Instead, we try to help each other find a balance between work and play.


Adapted from Desperate Marriages by Dr. Gary Chapman.













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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Love Language Minute ~ Loving by Serving ~ Learn to Speak Your Spouse's Love Language ~ Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman


Dr. Gary Chapman


Love Language Minute ~ Loving by Serving ~ Learn to Speak Your Spouse's Love Language ~ Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman


 
   Loving by Serving
           Dr. Gary Chapman


Get the Facts

Before marriage we are carried along by the emotions of the "in love" obsession. After marriage we revert to being the person we were before we "fell in love." This reality has implications for the single who is contemplating marriage.

Before you marry, you best find out what your potential spouse was like before the two of you "fell in love." Ask parents, siblings, work associates and friends, but by all means ask questions. Did they have an anger problem? Where they depressed? Were they friendly of selfish? Dependable or irresponsible? Did they have a problem with alcohol or drugs? Get the facts. Don't let the "in love" experience blind you to the truth.

Request vs. Demand

One of the five love languages is "acts of service". For some people, this is their primary love language. However, sometimes people make the mistake of demanding "acts of service." "If you loved me you would help me around the house." But, true love is a choice and cannot be coerced. Criticism and demands tend to drive wedges.

With enough criticism your spouse may do what you want, but it will not be an expression of love. You can give guidance to love by making requests: "Would you please mow the grass?" But you cannot create the 'will' to love. Each of us must decide daily to love or not to love. If 'acts of service' is the primary love language of your spouse then 'mowing the grass' will be loves loudest voice

Listen Closely

If your spouse often criticizes you for not "helping them", they are telling you that 'acts of service' is their love language. People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need. Their criticism is an ineffective way of pleading for love. If you understand this, you might respond more positively to their criticism.

You might say, "It sounds like that is really important to you. Could you explain why it is so crucial?" Initiating such a conversation may eventually turn the criticism into a request rather than a demand. When you hear a criticism, it's time to listen. Your spouse is giving you valuable information about what would make them feel loved.

Servant or Slave?

Are you a doormat or a lover? A doormat is an inanimate object. You can wipe your feet on it, step on it, kick it around, or whatever you like. It has no will of its own. It can be your slave, but not your lover. When we treat our spouses as objects, we preclude the possibility of love. No person should ever be a doormat. We are called to be servants.

Jesus said about himself, "I did not come to be served, but to serve." That should be our attitude. "What can I do to help you?" reveals a loving attitude. "You do this or you will regret it." Is the language of slavery. There is a vast difference between being a servant and being a slave. The servant acts out of love. The slave lives in response to fear.

Learn to Speak Your Spouse's Love Language

Recently a wife said to me, "I'm sending all of my friends to your marriage seminar." "Really, why?" I asked. "Before the seminar, Bob never helped me with anything. We both had our careers, but it was always my job to do all the house work. After the seminar he started asking me, "What can I do to help you this evening?"

"I'll have to admit that at first there were trying and humorous times. The first time he did the laundry he used bleach instead of detergent. Our blue towels came out with white polka dots. But eventually he learned. It's wonderful. And, it's been going on for three years now." Why was this wife so happy? Because her husband learned to speak her love language.

Adapted from The 5 Love Languages® by Dr. Gary Chapman.

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Building Relationships Radio ~ Saturday, December 11, 2010 ~ Fight Fair! Winning at Conflict...Love

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Love Language Minute ~ Building Relationships Radio ~ Saturday, December 11, 2010 ~ PART 2/2 Conflict ~ Featured Resource ~ Fight Fair! Winning at Conflict Without Losing at Love by Tim and Joy Downs ~ Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman ~ Hosts Gary Chapman Chris Fabry and Andrea Fabry


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Friday, December 3, 2010

Love Language Minute ~ How Far Do You Fall in Love? ~ Building Relationships Radio ~ Saturday, December 4, 2010 ~ "One of Us Must Be Crazy, Part 1" ~ Tim and Joy Downs ~ Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman ~ Most Recent Program Listen Now ~ Download Free Podcast



Most Recent Program

Most Recent Program

Tim and Joy Downs: Part 1/2
Air Date December 4, 2010
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Summary

This edition of Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman is first installment of a two part series with authors and speakers, Tim and Joy Downs. In their book, One of Us Must Be Crazy, and I’m Pretty Sure It’s You, they help make sense of the differences that divide couples. If you find yourself having the same arguments time after time, don’t miss this episode. [>]


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C R A Z Y

One of Us Must Be Crazy
…and I’m Pretty Sure It’s You
Tim and Joy Downs

 Making Sense of the Differences That Divide Us.
A treatise on winning at conflict without losing at love,
Tim and Joy Downs capture the heart of marital differences.

Tim and Joy Downs.
Tim and Joy Downs have been on the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ since 1979


Dr. Gary Chapman.


Love Language Minute ~ How Far Do You Fall in Love? ~ Building Relationships Radio ~ Saturday, December 4, 2010 ~ "One of Us Must Be Crazy, Part 1" ~ Tim and Joy Downs ~ Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman



How Far Do You Fall in

Love?

By Dr. Gary Chapman


The Other Stuff
Janice bounced into my office and said, "I'm getting married." "To whom and when?" I asked. "To David Brown in September," she said. "How long have you been dating?" "Three weeks. I know it's crazy. I can't believe it myself, but I know David is the one for me."

Later, I discovered that David had been married twice before, had three children, and had lost three jobs in the past year. None of this seemed to phase Janice. "I'm so happy, she said. " I have never been this happy before." Janice is in for a rude awakening. Two years later she was back in my office saying, "I think I've made a big mistake." What Janice illustrates is that "falling in love" is not the foundation for marriage. Better check out "the other stuff."

Falling in Love
Falling in love is a euphoric experience. We become emotionally obsessed with each other. We wake up thinking about them. All day long they are on our minds. The person who is in love has the illusion that his beloved is perfect. Her mother can see his flaws, but she can't. His friends will say, "Have you considered.....?" But he hasn't and he won't because he is in love.

What no one has told us is that this euphoric experience is temporary. We have been led to believe that if we are really "in love" it will last forever. The fact is, it will last for about 2 years. Then you will realize that what your mother said was true. What your friends tried to tell you was real. Why can't we listen before we leap? Family and friends are God's gift. Accept the gift.

The Illusion
The euphoric experience of "falling in love" gives us the illusion that we have an intimate relationship. We feel that we belong to each other. We feel altruistic toward each other. One young man said "I can't conceive of doing anything to hurt her. My only desire is to make her happy." He believes also that she will make him happy.

Such thinking is fanciful. Not that we are insincere in what we think and feel, but we are unrealistic. We fail to reckon with the reality of human nature. By nature, we are egocentric. Once we come down off the high we begin to assert ourselves. Without the help of God, marriage will become a battlefield. It's time to pray.

Is It Love?
Some researchers have concluded that what we call "falling in love" is not love at all. For three reasons:
  1. Falling in love is not an act of the will or conscious choice. It just happens to you.
  2. Falling in love is effortless. We do outlandish things with no effort at all.
  3. The in-love experience does not encourage us to help the other person grow. We view them as perfect; no need for growth.
In the Bible, real love is a choice, requires effort, and seeks the well-being of the other. It may start with euphoric feelings, but when these fall aside, real love will continue. Real love doesn't walk away when the feelings subside. Real love is the foundation for life-long positive relationships.

Love is a Choice
We are emotional creatures and one of our deepest emotional needs is the need to feel loved. When we "fall in love" we think we have found the answer. It is heavenly while it lasts. Our mistake is in thinking that it will last forever. It was not meant to last forever. It is only the introduction to the book. The heart of the book is a love that is far more rational, and volitional.

This is good news for those who have lost the "in love" obsession, and are back in the real world. Now you can choose daily to do something that will be helpful to your spouse. To give them affirming words and tender touches. To buy them a small gift and to look into their eyes and say, "I love you." When you do these things, warm feelings return. Learning to speak the love language of your spouse is one way to make the choice to love.

If you don't know your spouse's love language, direct him/her to visit 5lovelanguages.com and take the love language assessment. Then, ask them to share with you the results. If you make the choice to speak his/her primary love language frequently and often, you will soon notice changes for the better. Love is a choice.

Adapted from The 5 Love Languages® by Dr. Gary Chapman.





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Building Relationships Radio

"One of Us Must Be Crazy, Part 1"

Saturday, December 4, 2010


Featured Tim and Joy Downs
Hosts Gary Chapman Chris Fabry and Andrea Fabry




Featured

Tim and Joy Downs

Tim and Joy Downs are award-winning writers and frequent speakers at FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember conferences where they address the topics of communication and conflict resolution in marriage. Thay have also authored One of Us Must Be Crazy ... and I'm Pretty Sure It's You, the companion volume to Fight Fair! Tim is also an award-winning writer of mystery/suspense novels.

For more information about Tim and Joy, please visit their website.


Hosts

Gary Chapman

Dr. Gary Chapman uses his thirty years of pastoring and marriage counseling experience and more than 35 years of marriage to Karolyn to serve. His first book in the Love Language series is The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. He also speaks at his weekend marriage conferences, hosts the program A Growing Marriage, and serves as senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, N.C. Dr. Chapman and his wife have two grown children, and currently live in Winston-Salem, N.C.

Visit Gary Chapman’s website.


Chris Fabry

Chris Fabry is the host of Chris Fabry Live!, an hour of spiritual encouragement from his backyard radio fence. The program challenges listeners to think biblically about their spiritual journeys. Chris is also the author of the Christy Award-winning novel Dogwood, and his latest fiction release, June Bug. He and his family live near Tucson, Ariz. To find out more, please visit Chris' website.



Andrea Fabry

Andrea Fabry, formerly Andrea Kessel, is the mother of nine children and former co-host of Midday Connection. She now co-hosts Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman along with her husband, Chris. She loves to share her insights and fun-loving humorous self with listeners.

For more information about Andrea, please visit her website




Building Relationships Radio
"One of Us Must Be Crazy, Part 1"
Saturday, December 4, 2010


This edition of Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman is first installment of a two part series with authors and speakers, Tim and Joy Downs. In their book, One of Us Must Be Crazy, and I'm Pretty Sure It's You, they help make sense of the differences that divide couples. If you find yourself having the same arguments time after time, don't miss this episode.

Featured Resource:

One of Us Must Be Crazy, and I'm Pretty Sure It's You by Tim and Joy Downs

Tune in to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, the weekly radio broadcast brought to you by Moody Radio and Moody Publishers. Listen live online Saturday mornings at 10 a.m. CST at moodyradio.org, check your local radio station, or download free podcasts and get more information.



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Friday, November 19, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving ~ Love Language Minute ~ Love, Leadership, & Submission ~ "Putting God Back in the Holidays" by Bill and Penny Thrasher ~ Building Relationships Radio ~ Saturday, November 27, 2010 ~ "Dear Gary" ~ Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman

The 5 Love Languages Men’s Edition
The Secret to Love that Last
by Dr. Gary Chapman

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Thanksgiving Day!
Dr. Gary Chapman



Thanksgiving!


Thanksgiving Day provides an opportunity to build family relationships. All of us are thankful for what other family members do for us, but we don't often take time to verbalize our thanks. Find a time today and privately thank each family member for something specific that you appreciate.

 You can invite each person to express thanks to someone. Gratitude recognizes that none of us live in isolation. Life is made much easier because we help each other. Giving thanks is a way of expressing love. And don't forget to thank God.

Do you really appreciate what others do for you? How do you express your appreciation? Perhaps you could ask: "What could I do to express my appreciation to you for all your hard work? Their suggestion may surprise you. But if you want them to feel loved and appreciated, then doing what they suggest is the best way to express it. Saying 'thank you' should not be limited to one day a year. Find a way to communicate appreciation to the people you love on a regular basis.


Featured Resource:

The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman

 

Happy Thanksgiving

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Featured Resource: The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.

Do you have a desperate marriage? Are you wondering about a dating relationship? Have problems with an in-law? Have a wayward child? We tackle questions like these on the November edition of Dear Gary.




 "Putting God Back in the Holidays"

Putting God Back in the Holidays
Celebrate Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Birthdays, and
12 Other Special Occasions with Purpose
Bill and Penny Thrasher

Bill and Penny Thrasher

Gary Chapman

Love Language Minute ~ Love, Leadership, & Submission ~ Building Relationships Radio ~ Saturday, November 20, 2010 ~  "Putting God Back in the Holidays" by Bill and Penny Thrasher ~ Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman


Love, Leadership, & Submission
Dr. Gary Chapman

Deadlock Decisions

Most counselors agree that one of the greatest problems in marriage is decision-making. Visions of democracy dance in the minds of many young couples, but when there are only two voting members, democracy often results in deadlock. How does a couple move beyond deadlock? The answer is found in one word - love.

Love always asks the question, "What is best for you?" Love does not demand it's own way. Love seeks to bring pleasure to the one loved. That is why Christians should have less trouble making decisions than non-Christians. We are called to be lovers. When I love my wife, I will not seek to force my will upon her for selfish purposes.

The Head and the Helpmate

The biblical idea of the husband being the head of the wife has been one of the most exploited concepts of the Bible. Christian husbands, full of self-will, have made all kinds of foolish demands of their wives under the authority of "The Bible says...." Headship does not mean that the husband has the right to make all the decisions and inform the wife of what is going to be done.

She is called to be a "helpmate". The word means "helper". How can she be a helper if she has no opportunity to share her ideas? "Two are better than one," the Scriptures say. That is certainly true in decision-making. Why would a husband want to make a decision limited to his own wisdom when God has given him a helper?

Unity and Order

When Christians discuss husband/wife roles they often quote 1 Cor. 11:3 which says, "The head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man." They often stop quoting at that point, but the very next phrase says, "The head of Christ is God." Obviously referring to God the Father. Are God the Father, and God the Son equally God? Yes. Yet, within the trinity there is order.

As the head, does the Father ever force the Son to do anything? No. Does the Son ever act independently of the Father? No. There is perfect unity. That is the design for Christian marriage: husbands and wives working together as a team, with the husband as the recognized leader.

Understanding Male Leadership Biblically

I am fully aware that many contemporary Christians reject the idea of male leadership in the marriage. I think it is because they misunderstand the biblical concept of 'headship'. Male leadership in the home has nothing to do with superiority. It has to do with order among equals. God's design is that the husband will love his wife as Christ loves the church and make every sacrifice for her well-being.

Headship does not mean that the husband is more intelligent than the wife. It does not mean that the man is more valuable than the woman. And, it does not mean that the husband is to be a dictator. The great need of our day is for Christian leaders who will love, not dictators who demand.

Attitudes of Service

Many wives shudder when they hear the pastor say, "Turn in your Bible to Ephesians 5:22." Because they know that's the verse that says, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord." "But you don't know my husband," they think. "But you don't understand submission," God must say. You see, submission is not a female word . . . it's a Christian word. Verse 21 says, "Submitting yourselves one to another."

The word to husbands about loving, and to wives about submitting, both call for an attitude of service. Submission does not mean that the wife must do all the giving. The husband is to give his life for her. Nor does it mean that she cannot express her ideas. The goal is unity which requires both to have an attitude of service.


Adapted from The Marriage You've Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman.



Building Relationships Radio
Saturday, November 20, 2010
 
 
"Putting God Back in the Holidays"
 
Dr. Bill Thrasher and his wife Penny
 
with
 
Dr. Gary Chapman
 
 
 
Co-host
 
Chris and Andrea Fabry



Building Relationships Radio
Saturday, November 20, 2010
"Putting God Back in the Holidays"


Many come to this time of year knowing that something is missing, longing to have a true Thanksgiving or Christmas celebration. On this edition of Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, Dr. Bill Thrasher and his wife Penny offer practical suggestions on how to put God back in your holidays.

Featured Resource:
Putting God Back in the Holidays by Bill and Penny Thrasher

Tune in to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, the weekly radio broadcast brought to you by Moody Radio and Moody Publishers. Listen live online Saturday mornings at 10 a.m. CST at moodyradio.org, check your local radio station, or download free podcasts and get more information.


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Friday, November 12, 2010

Love Language Minute ~ Developing My Serve ~ Building Relationships Radio ~ Saturday, November 13, 2010 ~ "God as Your Provider" Dr. Brian Kluth ~ Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman


Experience God As Your Provider
Finding Financial Stability in Unstable Times
By Dr. Brian Kluth

Dr. Brian Kluth

Dr. Gary Chapman


Love Language Minute ~ Developing My Serve ~ Building Relationships Radio ~ Saturday, November 13, 2010 ~ "God as Your Provider" Dr. Brian Kluth ~ Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman



Developing My Serve
Dr. Gary Chapman



The Road to Greatness

The key that unlocks the door to a happy marriage is learning to serve your spouse! Most of us would admit that we entered marriage with lofty visions of how happy our spouses would make us. When they did not perform up to our expectations, we experienced disappointment, hurt, and anger. So, we made verbal demands designed to make them feel guilty.

Have you ever said this, "I don't understand how you could do that. You know how it makes me feel." With such statements we try to manipulate their behavior. We try to get what we want. This approach is totally opposite of what Jesus taught. "Whoever wants to be great must be your servant." Is this not the theme of the Christian life? Learning to serve your spouse is the true road to greatness.

 In a good marriage, there is no king or queen shouting commands, only servants looking for ways to meet the needs of others. Jesus said to His followers, "You know that those who are rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them...Not so with you. Instead whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant."

History illustrates this truth. The truly great men and women of any age are those who serve others. Thus, the greatest husbands are the greatest servants. The wife who finds greatest fulfillment is the wife who learns to serve. Let me make it practical. Make a list of the ways you served your spouse yesterday. Based on this list, "How great are you?"

 Our society has trained us to be assertive, not to be servants.Servant-hood is not a favorite topic for seminars, though it ought to be, for it is the only road to greatness. Here's an idea: Make a list of several things you know that your spouse would like for you to do. Do one of them today, and another tomorrow. Your spouse will in most cases notice your efforts and respond with appreciation... or possible bewilderment. Either way, you're on the right track to becoming great.

Improving Your Serve

If I were asked to give the one key that unlocks a happy marriage I would say 'an attitude of mutual service.' When both the husband and the wife are asking the question, "How may I serve you?" needs will be met. Now, it must be mutual. A submitting, serving wife and a tyrannical, demanding husband will never produce a happy marriage.

A domineering wife and a passive husband will also fail to find marital fulfillment. The husband must learn to serve his wife "as Christ served the church" The wife must serve her husband "as unto the Lord". Mutual service brings mutual joy. Tennis players spend hours each week improving their serve. Shouldn't you do the same for your marriage?

When I was writing my book: The Marriage You've Always Wanted, I discovered these words in Galatians 5, "Serve one another in love." Then Paul warned, "If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." He was writing to the church, but the same applies in marriage.

How many marriages have been destroyed by harsh and condemning words? When we put each other down, we are co-operating with Satan in destroying our marriages. Nothing pleases him more. God's way is "Serve one another in love." Service creates a positive emotional climate where we can talk freely about our struggles and find answers to our problems. Serve your spouse today and watch the climate change.


Adapted from The Marriage You've Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman.



Building Relationships Radio
Saturday, November 13, 2010


"God as Your Provider"

By Dr. Brian Kluth

with

Dr. Gary Chapman


Co-host


Chris and Andrea Fabry



Building Relationships Radio
Saturday, November 13, 2010
"God as Your Provider"


We live in unstable financial times. News of downsizing, layoffs, and families struggling are common. But on this edition of Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, Brian Kluth will join us to talk about experiencing God as your provider. Brian and his family just went through some deep waters personally. His spirit and message will encourage you.

Featured Resource:
God as Your Provider by Brian Kluth

Tune in to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, the weekly radio broadcast brought to you by Moody Radio and Moody Publishers. Listen live online Saturday mornings at 10 a.m. CST at moodyradio.org, check your local radio station, or download free podcasts and get more information.


Video by Brian Kluth

Take a look inside! PREVIEW...


Author's Introduction  Download

Table of contents Click here

Chapter 1  Download

Chapter 1 Group Discussion Questions Click here

Draft Copy Version of the Book  Download

Audio / Video / Handouts / Interviews


Additional Views


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Friday, November 5, 2010

Love Language Minute ~ Unhealthy Patterns of Communication ~ Building Relationships Radio ~ Saturday, November 06, 2010 ~ "Hollow" by Jena Morrow ~ Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman

"Hollow"
An Unpolished Tale by Jena Morrow
Realistic Hope in the Midst of Addiction

Jena Morrow Author
 "Hollow" An Unpolished Tale Realistic Hope in the Midst of Addiction

Dr. Gary Chapman

"Now You're Speaking My Language"
Honest Communication And Deeper Intimacy For A Stronger Marriage
by Dr. Gary Chapman


Love Language Minute ~ Unhealthy Patterns of Communication ~ Building Relationships Radio ~ Saturday, November 06, 2010 ~ "Hollow" An Unpolished Tale by Jena Morrow ~ Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman


Unhealthy Patterns of Communication
by Dr. Gary Chapman


We talk a lot about the importance of communication in relationships, but we don't often evaluate our communication. You see, communication is not enough because how we talk greatly affects the quality of our conversation. Many have developed unhealthy patterns of communication, and wonder why their conversations seem to go down hill. Below are a few of the most common patterns...

The Placator
"That's fine with me." Or, "Whatever you want is fine." It's really not "fine", but this person does not like arguments, so, on the surface they simply agree, but inside they resent the attitude of the other person. We will never have an authentic relationship until we learn to share our honest thoughts and feelings. You might begin by asking, "Would you really like to know my thoughts?" If they say, "yes", then share them.

The Blamer
There are many unhealthy patterns of communication, but none as deadly as "The Blamer." "It's your fault." "If it weren't for you everything would be fine." "You never do anything right." "I don't know how you could be so stupid." No matter what it is, the blamer will blame their spouse and in the process destroys intimacy and make communication impossible.

An ancient Hebrew proverb says, "A fool does not delight in understanding, but only wants to show off his opinions." If you are a blamer, I urge you to apologize to the person you so often blame. Your relationship will never improve until you admit your destructive words and seek to understand the other person's perspective.

The Professor
If you are married and you take pride in being reasonable, and you see your spouse as being unreasonable, you are in the process of destroying your marriage. The person I'm talking about is calm, cool and collected. He believes that if you will listen to his arguments, you will be forced to agree. Any sane person could not disagree.

"Let's be reasonable," they say, as they envision themselves as being a person of logic."Let me explain this to you one more time." The implication is that if you will just listen, you will understand and thus agree. This person makes no room for emotions. All that matters is logic. But I remind you that God made us emotional creatures and if you don't allow for emotions, you will never create an intimate marriage. Learn to listen. Treat your spouse as a person of worth. Ask for their opinions and be empathetic with their feelings.

The Statue and/or Subject Changer
This is the person who doesn't talk. "Ignore her and she will go away" is his philosophy. Such a person will never enjoy authentic relationships. In healthy relationships, people must talk about the things that irritate them. They must seek to negotiate solutions which will respect their differences. Put your head in the sand, and your problems will get worse.

The key is not to ignore your spouse or change the subject when your spouse brings up a topic that you think will start an argument. Simply ask, "Do you want us to share our ideas and look for a solution? If so, I'm willing to talk. If we are simply going to argue, I don't have the energy to do that. If we can respect each other's thoughts I think we can find an answer." Speak the truth in love and you can solve your problems.

Working Towards Healthy Communication
If you see yourself in any of the unhealthy communication patterns above and desire to change, talk with your spouse and develop healthy ways to identify these patterns when they arise. Then, set in place a plan to work towards healthy communication. And healthy communication leads to healthy relationships.


Adapted from Now You're Speaking My Love Language by Dr. Gary Chapman


Now You're Speaking My Language
Honest Communication And Deeper Intimacy For A Stronger Marriage





 

Building Relationships Radio

Saturday, November 06, 2010


"Hollow"
"Twenty nine years, 7 months, 14 days and the battle still rages…
Jena Morrow has an eating disorder."


Jena Morrow
with
Dr. Gary Chapman


Co-host

Chris and Andrea Fabry



Building Relationships Radio
Saturday, November 06, 2010
"Hollow"

Most people look at food as ... food. You eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, and maybe a snack. But life with an eating disorder is a totally consuming experience. On this edition of Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, Jena Morrow opens up about her own struggles that nearly killed her. If you know someone who struggles in this area, you won't want to miss this!

Featured Resource:
Hollow by Jena Morrow

Tune in to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, the weekly radio broadcast brought to you by Moody Radio and Moody Publishers. Listen live online Saturday mornings at 10 a.m. CST at moodyradio.org, check your local radio station, or download free podcasts and get more information.


Hollow Excerpt. pdf


Midday Connection
Eating Disorders: Listen Now
Jena Morrow
Featured Guest

Link
Front Cover l Table of Contents l Excerpt l Back Cover l   Sample Pages (PDF)


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