The Art of Reconciliation: Part 2
Dr. Gary Chapman
The First Step Towards Healing
Why is it so hard for some people to say, "Will you please forgive me?" Often it is fear. Fear of losing control. To ask a person to forgive you means you put the future of the relationship in their hands. Fear of rejection. When you ask for forgiveness the other person may say, "No". For some of us our greatest fear is the fear of rejection.
Or, it could be fear of failure. For these people, admitting wrong is equivalent to saying, "I'm a failure." Understanding the Scriptures can remove all of these fears. The Scriptures say, "All have sinned." To admit that you have done wrong is simply to admit that you are human. Requesting forgiveness is the first step toward healing.
Requesting vs. Demanding Forgiveness
It is always right to request forgiveness. It is never right to demand forgiveness. The husband who says, "I told you I'm sorry. What more can I say?" is demanding forgiveness. He is not likely to receive it. None of us respond well to demands. Forgiveness is a choice to lift the barrier and let the other person back into our lives.
The Risk is Worth It
There is always the risk that they will hurt us again. Some people have been hurt so many times that they are reluctant to forgive. However, without forgiveness, the relationship cannot grow. If you are in a stalemate, I urge you to apologize and request forgiveness. Then, give the other person time to process their pain. In the mean time, pray and love.
Adapted from The Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas.
Dr. Chapman http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Building Relationships Radio
Dr. Gary Chapman
Saturday, May 22: Dear Gary
Featured resource for this program:The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.
The 5 Love Languages
Falling in love is easy. Maintaining healthy relationships is a daily, lifelong pursuit. But it doesn't have to be that hard. Once you know your “love language,” you'll understand why some attempts at romance work while others fall flat. Dr. Gary Chapman's perennial New York Times bestseller, The 5 Love Languages™, is full of “Aha!” moments that make expressing love easier and more desirable. You'll find yourself more motivated and more confident that you can succeed in having the relationships you've always wanted. More than five million copies sold!
The Five Languages of Apology
New York Times best-selling author Gary Chapman teams with counselor Jennifer Thomas in an eye-opening study of one of the most important yet least understood pillars of human relationships: the apology. Those of us who aren't perfect need to know the anatomy of a complete and genuine apology if we want to sustain healthy, whole relationships—or restore broken ones. The authors analyze the five basic languages of apology: expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, genuinely repenting, and requesting forgiveness. If you receive an apology that omits your apology language, chances are you won't fully accept it or even recognize it as an apology. Learn the techniques to effectively recognize and deliver apologies and watch your relationships thrive as a result.