Tidbits I Wish I'd Known: Part 1
"With the release of Gary's new book Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married, we the publisher would like to share with you some insightful excerpts from each chapter. These tidbits of wisdom have been gained over a lifetime of Gary's professional, as well as personal experience. We hope you enjoy this sneak peak into the book. Visit thingsiwishbook.com for more information, videos, and while your there go ahead and download chapter 1!" "The Publisher"
Chapter 1: Being in love is not adequate for building a successful marriage
- "Being in love is an emotional and obsessive experience. However, emotions change and obsessions fade. Research shows that the average lifespan of the 'in love' obsession is two years."
- "If the obsessive nature of the in-love euphoria extended for the next 20 years, few of us would accomplish our educational and vocational potential. When we are in love, the rest of the world doesn't matter."
- "The second stage of romantic love is much more intentional than the first stage. And yes, it requires work to keep romantic love alive."
- "Seldom do a husband and wife have the same love language. Whatever makes us feel loved is what we do for the other person. But if it is not his/her language, it will not mean to them what it means to us."
- "I encourage couples to have enough exposure to each other's parents to know their personalities, communication patterns, values, and especially how they relate to each other This model greatly influenced the person you are dating."
- "If a girl's mother is alcoholic, we know that statistically she is more likely to become an alcoholic. However, she is not destined to alcoholism. If she takes positive action . . . she can break the alcoholic chain."
- "Conflicts are not a sign that you have married the wrong person. They simply affirm that you are human."
- "The key, of course, is creating a friendly atmosphere by listening to and affirming each other's perspective rather than accusations of illogical thinking."
- "After spending a lifetime counseling other couples, I am convinced that there are no healthy marriages without apology and forgiveness."
- "What one person considers an apology is not what another person considers apology. Thus couples often miss each other in their efforts to apologize."
- "One evening, about six weeks after our wedding, Karolyn and I were engaged in a full-fledged argument. In the midst, she went to a closet, got her raincoat, slammed the front door and walked out into the pouring rain. My first thought was, "Why doesn't she stay and fight like a man?"
- "When one of you speaks or behaves unkindly to the other, it calls for an apology and forgiveness if the relationship is to be restored."
Adapted from Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married by Gary Chapman.