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Love Language Minute ~ How Far Do You Fall in Love? ~ Building Relationships Radio ~ Saturday, December 4, 2010 ~ "One of Us Must Be Crazy, Part 1" ~ Tim and Joy Downs ~ Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman ~ Most Recent Program Listen Now ~ Download Free Podcast



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Tim and Joy Downs: Part 1/2
Air Date December 4, 2010
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Summary

This edition of Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman is first installment of a two part series with authors and speakers, Tim and Joy Downs. In their book, One of Us Must Be Crazy, and I’m Pretty Sure It’s You, they help make sense of the differences that divide couples. If you find yourself having the same arguments time after time, don’t miss this episode. [>]


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C R A Z Y

One of Us Must Be Crazy
…and I’m Pretty Sure It’s You
Tim and Joy Downs

 Making Sense of the Differences That Divide Us.
A treatise on winning at conflict without losing at love,
Tim and Joy Downs capture the heart of marital differences.

Tim and Joy Downs.
Tim and Joy Downs have been on the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ since 1979


Dr. Gary Chapman.


Love Language Minute ~ How Far Do You Fall in Love? ~ Building Relationships Radio ~ Saturday, December 4, 2010 ~ "One of Us Must Be Crazy, Part 1" ~ Tim and Joy Downs ~ Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman



How Far Do You Fall in

Love?

By Dr. Gary Chapman


The Other Stuff
Janice bounced into my office and said, "I'm getting married." "To whom and when?" I asked. "To David Brown in September," she said. "How long have you been dating?" "Three weeks. I know it's crazy. I can't believe it myself, but I know David is the one for me."

Later, I discovered that David had been married twice before, had three children, and had lost three jobs in the past year. None of this seemed to phase Janice. "I'm so happy, she said. " I have never been this happy before." Janice is in for a rude awakening. Two years later she was back in my office saying, "I think I've made a big mistake." What Janice illustrates is that "falling in love" is not the foundation for marriage. Better check out "the other stuff."

Falling in Love
Falling in love is a euphoric experience. We become emotionally obsessed with each other. We wake up thinking about them. All day long they are on our minds. The person who is in love has the illusion that his beloved is perfect. Her mother can see his flaws, but she can't. His friends will say, "Have you considered.....?" But he hasn't and he won't because he is in love.

What no one has told us is that this euphoric experience is temporary. We have been led to believe that if we are really "in love" it will last forever. The fact is, it will last for about 2 years. Then you will realize that what your mother said was true. What your friends tried to tell you was real. Why can't we listen before we leap? Family and friends are God's gift. Accept the gift.

The Illusion
The euphoric experience of "falling in love" gives us the illusion that we have an intimate relationship. We feel that we belong to each other. We feel altruistic toward each other. One young man said "I can't conceive of doing anything to hurt her. My only desire is to make her happy." He believes also that she will make him happy.

Such thinking is fanciful. Not that we are insincere in what we think and feel, but we are unrealistic. We fail to reckon with the reality of human nature. By nature, we are egocentric. Once we come down off the high we begin to assert ourselves. Without the help of God, marriage will become a battlefield. It's time to pray.

Is It Love?
Some researchers have concluded that what we call "falling in love" is not love at all. For three reasons:
  1. Falling in love is not an act of the will or conscious choice. It just happens to you.
  2. Falling in love is effortless. We do outlandish things with no effort at all.
  3. The in-love experience does not encourage us to help the other person grow. We view them as perfect; no need for growth.
In the Bible, real love is a choice, requires effort, and seeks the well-being of the other. It may start with euphoric feelings, but when these fall aside, real love will continue. Real love doesn't walk away when the feelings subside. Real love is the foundation for life-long positive relationships.

Love is a Choice
We are emotional creatures and one of our deepest emotional needs is the need to feel loved. When we "fall in love" we think we have found the answer. It is heavenly while it lasts. Our mistake is in thinking that it will last forever. It was not meant to last forever. It is only the introduction to the book. The heart of the book is a love that is far more rational, and volitional.

This is good news for those who have lost the "in love" obsession, and are back in the real world. Now you can choose daily to do something that will be helpful to your spouse. To give them affirming words and tender touches. To buy them a small gift and to look into their eyes and say, "I love you." When you do these things, warm feelings return. Learning to speak the love language of your spouse is one way to make the choice to love.

If you don't know your spouse's love language, direct him/her to visit 5lovelanguages.com and take the love language assessment. Then, ask them to share with you the results. If you make the choice to speak his/her primary love language frequently and often, you will soon notice changes for the better. Love is a choice.

Adapted from The 5 Love Languages® by Dr. Gary Chapman.





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Building Relationships Radio

"One of Us Must Be Crazy, Part 1"

Saturday, December 4, 2010


Featured Tim and Joy Downs
Hosts Gary Chapman Chris Fabry and Andrea Fabry




Featured

Tim and Joy Downs

Tim and Joy Downs are award-winning writers and frequent speakers at FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember conferences where they address the topics of communication and conflict resolution in marriage. Thay have also authored One of Us Must Be Crazy ... and I'm Pretty Sure It's You, the companion volume to Fight Fair! Tim is also an award-winning writer of mystery/suspense novels.

For more information about Tim and Joy, please visit their website.


Hosts

Gary Chapman

Dr. Gary Chapman uses his thirty years of pastoring and marriage counseling experience and more than 35 years of marriage to Karolyn to serve. His first book in the Love Language series is The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. He also speaks at his weekend marriage conferences, hosts the program A Growing Marriage, and serves as senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, N.C. Dr. Chapman and his wife have two grown children, and currently live in Winston-Salem, N.C.

Visit Gary Chapman’s website.


Chris Fabry

Chris Fabry is the host of Chris Fabry Live!, an hour of spiritual encouragement from his backyard radio fence. The program challenges listeners to think biblically about their spiritual journeys. Chris is also the author of the Christy Award-winning novel Dogwood, and his latest fiction release, June Bug. He and his family live near Tucson, Ariz. To find out more, please visit Chris' website.



Andrea Fabry

Andrea Fabry, formerly Andrea Kessel, is the mother of nine children and former co-host of Midday Connection. She now co-hosts Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman along with her husband, Chris. She loves to share her insights and fun-loving humorous self with listeners.

For more information about Andrea, please visit her website




Building Relationships Radio
"One of Us Must Be Crazy, Part 1"
Saturday, December 4, 2010


This edition of Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman is first installment of a two part series with authors and speakers, Tim and Joy Downs. In their book, One of Us Must Be Crazy, and I'm Pretty Sure It's You, they help make sense of the differences that divide couples. If you find yourself having the same arguments time after time, don't miss this episode.

Featured Resource:

One of Us Must Be Crazy, and I'm Pretty Sure It's You by Tim and Joy Downs

Tune in to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, the weekly radio broadcast brought to you by Moody Radio and Moody Publishers. Listen live online Saturday mornings at 10 a.m. CST at moodyradio.org, check your local radio station, or download free podcasts and get more information.



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